Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
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We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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