I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
