Small penises have feelings too.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize