you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
