your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
