is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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