Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
