so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
