please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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