I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
