Dual....:-)
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
