okay pat passed out under dana's car
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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