someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
