dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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