I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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