so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
