Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
