Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
