I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
