We won't sleep together?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
