i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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