I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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