You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
