at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
