i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
