Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
