note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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