if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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