it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
