the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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