i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
