Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
