just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
