At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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