did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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