so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
dude. I can hear the air.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
