my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
