My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
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