New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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