She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh god it's open bar.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
