Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
