you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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