after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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