Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
