i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
