That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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