READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He better not be in your backpack
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
