I think i peed on brittanys purse
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
