Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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