I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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