You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
