i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
