whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
