hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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