A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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