If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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