Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
