whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
