So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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