I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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