Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He passed out mid-signature
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
