The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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