Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
