the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
