I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
