Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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