Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
