The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
