Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
