My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
